Only two of my friends know and I honestly don’t know what to do. No matter how much I try to communicate with my parents, they think I’m fine. I’m scared to tell people and ask for help because high school kids are drama queens and they tell the whole grade about your personal life.
To Whom It May Concern,
First, we would like to thank you for entrusting us with this difficult and important question. It takes a lot of courage to seek help and that is the first step in working to improve the situation. Like your friends, DLB group members are not really equipped or trained to answer this question; therefore, we have deferred to our Club Advisor, who is also the ISB School Psychologist, to provide a thoughtful and, hopefully, helpful response.
Here’s what he said:
Cutting is one of the most misunderstood mental health conditions and it really requires someone who has training in this area and has worked with multiple individuals who have engaged in self-harm to address the issue properly. While some people believe cutting is due to depression and suicidal tendencies, many people who cut are not trying to seriously injure themselves. Rather, cutting should be thought of as a physical expression or redirection of emotional distress, or a way people try to re-regulate in a world that seems out of control. Therefore, the best way to approach cutting is trying to figure out what stressors exist your life and what you can do to either reduce or eliminate this stress and emotional pain. It’s really about finding a behavior to replace the cutting, which serves a similar purpose in a less harmful way or redirects your attention. For example, if you are cutting because school work seems overwhelming and impossible, try to gain more control over your approach to work by creating a schedule and checklists to make sure you’re on track. Work with teachers to improve your understanding of assignments and make a plan for completing work; maybe you need to ask for an extension to give you some breathing room. Build in time to do things that bring you joy and surround yourself with people who are supportive and helpful. Accept that you cannot be perfect, and some things can just be “good enough.”
Cutting can become addictive if you find yourself doing it for physical relief or catharsis due to the release of chemicals into your system that act as a natural pain reliever. People who self-harm do so because it is often the quickest and most accessible way to chemically relieve their emotional pain; however, if you can make it more difficult to access methods of self-harm and easier to access things that provide the relief you’re seeking, you are likely to choose healthier methods. For example, if you are self-harming with a specific objects in your room or house, making an effort to eliminate these things from your house will make the process of obtaining them prohibitive. You can pair that with a readily available endorphin releaser, such as running or other forms of intense exercise, and you have successfully replaced your cutting behavior with something that does basically the same thing, chemically, in your body.
Depending on your reasons for cutting, other replacement behaviors could include:
Using meditative breathing and muscle relaxation (when you are anxious)
Calling a friend or talking to a loved one who understands (when you feel alone or not supported)
Going for a walk (when you feeling overwhelmed)
Keeping a journal (when you don’t have anyone to talk to or feel unheard)
Work on a project-based hobby or cooking project (when you need to regain control and predictability)
Watching YouTube and scrolling through social media are not hobbies!
Use ice or cold water on the body to change body temperature (for endorphin release and natural pain relief)
Some people engage in self-harm due to family conflicts and issues such as divorce or abuse. If this is the case, it is important to seek help from someone who can actually help by providing resources for support and serving as a communication bridge between you and your family members. Quite often, people who cut do not feel there is anyone who understands their problems or knows how to help, and if you’re only talking to friends your own age, that might be true. If your parents also aren’t understanding or supportive, it is necessary to seek support from someone who has training and experience in this area. ISB has a highly trained and experienced HS Counseling Department who has worked with many students experiencing similar struggles. More serious cases sometimes come to me (the School Psychologist) when an additional layer of support is required. We also have an outside therapist who comes to campus every Wednesday to provide more intensive therapeutic supports to students. School Counselors may also recommend other resources in the community, such as Zhaode Healthcare next door to ISB, to students and families who prefer to communicate in Chinese. There are lots of options and you can schedule appointments discretely, without anyone else knowing, by just emailing a Counselor.
I understand your struggle with cutting and many people from my own personal life struggled with cutting for many years before seeking professional help. I also know that most people don’t know how to respond appropriately to cutting and tend to either dismiss it or blow it out of proportion. Therefore, I highly recommend seeking support from someone with training and experience with these types of issues. Your School Counselor or School Psychologist would be a good start, and talking to someone about your problems usually helps to improve communication with friends and family members as well. All counselors at ISB maintain a strict code of confidentiality, so things you share will only be shared with your parents if someone is in immediate danger or if you ask us to share this information. Building and maintaining trust is very important in counseling and therapy and we try our best to form trusting relationships with students.
If you would like to contact me directly, my email address is : clentner@isb.bj.edu.cn
- Mr. Lentner