and we keep deleting and ghosting each other. The relationship has become toxic, is is best if I let go and end the friendship even though I dont want too?
Hello!
I’m so sorry to hear that :( I know how bad it can feel to have someone so important in your life for years but then have it start crumbling. I’ve had best friends too who I’d fight with all the time; despite them being my friend, I felt a lot happier when they were away. Toxic relationships can be very suffering.
Addressing your question, whether it’s best if you should let go of the friendship, I personally feel you can look at different points in it first. One thing I was curious about when I first saw this is why is it you guys are doing what you are? Was there a big argument or disagreement, or has this just naturally occurred? One reason I started falling apart with my friend was because they kept insulting things I loved out of the blue, so I began to keep my interests to myself. Therefore, I started spending more time with myself. Whether the friendship became toxic because of something specific or not, I think communication is essential. When your friend has time, maybe consider speaking to them about how you feel about the friendship and what you guys can perhaps do to restore it.
However, sometimes that’s hard too. My friend didn’t really listen and thought what they did was merely ‘expressing their opinion.’ Sometimes we have different ideologies as our friends, and that’s very, very hard to change. Then, we can think about it more simply. Are we enjoying time with our friends? One would rather be with their friends than with other classmates because they bring us joy and we can be ourselves next to them. But that might suddenly change. There doesn’t always have to be a reason why. If you can’t have fun with your friends at all, then yeah, you don’t have to be as close to them anymore.
It doesn’t have to be a complete declaration, though. An announcement, “from this moment, we are not friends,” it doesn’t have to be like that. You can just slowly begin being around them less. I started walking to classes by myself instead or eating lunch at a different table. They might confront you for that, and you can be honest about how you just kind of want to be by yourself today. They can become a regular friend or acquaintance instead of a best friend. There is a possibility the toxic-ness might be from time to time, and after some time of being with yourselves, you’d be able to make it up again. But don’t distance yourself just for that, do it because you want to, and try not to think of it too hard. After all, friends come and go. Most friends now, like friends you had in kindergarten, probably won’t last till old. Life is short, so don’t get stuck doing things that make you suffer :)
Best of luck to you,
Dear Letterbox